


Question the Ineffable Plan, but Never Question Your Mother

by phinnia



Series: All God's Children [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 13:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21272114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: He used to be the Archangel Fucking Gabriel and now he's sorting Mother's filing cabinet.  Somehow, this became a series.  How did that happen?   Somehow that happened.





	Question the Ineffable Plan, but Never Question Your Mother

Gabriel sighed and looked around the space. It was covered with boxes. And the Eternal apocalypse that was Mother's file cabinet. 

He didn't see what was really so _bad_ about casting out Samshiel, but Mother always did have her favorites. And he had always been chattering, getting underfoot, and he _talked_ so much. Questions, all those questions. All the time, his questions. It was giving Gabriel a headache just to remember them. _Why is the sky that color? What are platypuses? Why do they give milk and lay eggs? No other mammals do that. Why do cicadas come out every seven years? But why seven? Why are echidnas that way? Why does the chamelon change color like that? But why like that? Why? I don't understand._ What a pest he had been, and constantly under everybody's feet. It had been a relief to cast him out. Just the silence was refreshing.

But now Mother was back, and she was making all these _changes_. What was wrong with manna? He liked manna. All right, it was a little bland on occasion, but now there were all these ... choices in the cafeteria every day. Ludicrous. And a _foosball_ table? She was talking about an _air hockey_ one next. It took away from work. People were having _fun_ at _work_. It was unnatural. 

Ludicrous. He could hear angels cheering in the lounge.

Gabriel sighed again, sat down on the floor and looked through the next filing cabinet folder. More of Samshiel's paintings from seraphim school. He sighed and put them in the box. He had no idea what was happening with that box, but She was going to do something with it.

Mum came in and sat down on an office chair, spinning around in it. She was eating something with long noodles, and she had a bit of some sort of sauce on Her chin. And, he noted with distaste, on Her shirt. 

"What is that?" he asks.

"Oh, it's Thai." She shrugs. "Pad ginger. Brilliant stuff, a bit spicy. Want some?"

"No thanks."

"Oh, come on, Gabriel. Don't be such a party pooper." She sticks out her tongue and holds out her chopsticks. "This human food is really quite something. And productivity's gone up, you know. Thirteen percent."

"How can productivity have gone _up_ when you're allowing them to have _fun at work_ and play _games_?" 

"It's all balance." Finding him uninterested in the Thai food, she slurps the noodles back. "If they play a bit, they work harder. You allow them to have fun, so they feel relaxed. Then they're more invested in the company. The humans call it 'work-life balance'. It's an interesting concept, I like it very much." She looks thoughtful. "I was thinking of perhaps making us a traded company."

"You were _what_?" Gabriel drops the folder he was sorting through. "Mother, you cannot sell shares in Heaven!"

"I can do whatever I like! I think it might be a rather good idea, actually. We could offer a stocks incentive plan! Wouldn't that be brilliant? I'll ask Crowley about it, he's quite good with money. Yes, I believe I shall." She takes the notepad out of her pocket and writes that down with Her sparkly gold pen. "Yes, I shall do that. Now I must get on to see how Michael is getting with the floors. I do like them extra-sparkly." She eats her pad ginger as she walks out, slurping the noodles from the chopsticks. 

Gabriel sighs and starts cleaning up the spilled papers.


End file.
